To My Sweet Jackson

You are one of the most amazing people that I know. You are so cool and just fun to be around and hang out with.

Last week we went to a new restaurant – Flip Burger – and we, the 5 of us, sat out on the patio and enjoyed the cool summer breeze and ate good food. Mia and you ran around and giggled and played and enjoyed the day and the company. Soon another family came to sit on the patio too and the little boy looked about your age. He was looking at your sister and making silly faces or something and Mia was just laughing and smiling her beautiful dimpled smile. All Daddy said was, “Hey! What’s the boy doing with your sister?” and you looked up like you hadn’t even noticed and then ran like the wind over there and jumped to stand right in front of Mia so the boy couldn’t see her.

Daddy and I. Loved. It.
You were protecting her. Years ahead flashed before our eyes and we high fived each other and reveled in the wonderfulness of the big brother you had already become.

Today you learned to swim.

It was an awesome day, June 3rd, 2006. You are only weeks from turning 4 years old and are anxiously awaiting your birthday and disappointedly saying “AWWW!!!” every time someone else has a birthday instead of you. (Today is your grandpa’s birthday by the way). Anyway, we all went to the pool. Daddy, Mama, Mia, Ella and you on your “gator” that you love to ride around and carry our things. We were enjoying a terrific time, but you were very nervous and wouldn’t try anything.

After we’d been there for about an hour a boy (4 years old) came over and started saying “Sissy sissy you’re a girl!” My stomach just dropped (and still does thinking of the incident) at him being so unkind. You looked at him confused and said “I am not a girl”. And he said it a few more times. Daddy said to him “What’s the problem?” and he stopped for a while. But for a good hour he kept saying things that just were not NICE. You were so smiley back to him and Mia would flash her dimpled smile and laugh too. I felt so hot and angry. I wanted to shout at the boy to leave my precious children alone. I wanted to tell you not to waste your amazing smiles and infectious laughs on such a loser.

But instead, I waited. Waited to see what would happened and trusted in Daddy to handle it, since he was in the water with you both, and I sat on the side with 6 week old baby Ella. You called his name at one point and said “T-T-Tyler!” and the boy said “THAT’S not my name!” You said, “Tyler! Yes it is!” and the boy said “YOU said ‘T-T-T-Tyler” and we froze – this was the very first time someone had mocked your stutter. But you just smiled and said “No I didn’t you silly!” It never seemed to occur to you that he was so mean.

However, you finally DID say to him “You are not being nice. Are you having a rough day?”

Ahhh! The proof of what a lovely home you are from! Yes!
You never once let this boy get you down, instead you succeeded. You began to swim. First by getting a little braver and a little further going out along the wall of the pool, then you realized you were indeed able to float (just like Daddy had been coaxing for hours and days!) You started at the railing on the steps and swam to the wall.

It. Was. Amazing.

We cheered you on and watched you continue. You finally decided to try it without your life jacket. You didn’t let your fears overcome you. And you did it! We stayed extra long at the pool today, just to let you marvel in your new found huffing and puffing “swim” in the pool.

Your smile beamed brighter than the sunlight and I had to hold back from wanting to kiss you all over your face, I was so proud.

I was proud you conquered your fear and swam.

I was proud that you are just so nice.
So you.
So warm.
You never once were mean back at the boy. You didn’t cry.

You were JUST YOU.

And that guy is amazing.

My eyes still well with tears and my stomach gets sick thinking of the people and situations that will occur through out your life that will be even worse than the minor incident at the pool today. Oh how I want to wrap you tight in my arms for ever and shield you and protect you from all that is evil or mean or wrong in this world. Oh how I want to know you will always be smiling and have joy and feel secure. Oh how I never want any one to ever hurt you.

But I know the journey of your life will be filled with ups and downs and I want to be there for you through all of them.

I am your Mama and you will always be my baby Boy.

I love you,
Mama